Suicide is something that we, as a world, often forget to talk about. Sometimes those of us who have experienced this with someone we love, find it hard to reach out. Sometimes we forget that we aren't alone. And we even forget that our own friends or family members are not the only ones affected by this disease.
Sometimes I find it hard to talk about and other times, I can be as open as the books found in the library. But my father's suicide is still a "touchy" subject.
I still remember the day I found my father. It was my sixteenth birthday. I was coming home from cheer practice, eager to celebrate my birthday. I got home first before anyone else, and found my front door and garage locked. When I peered into my house, there he was. Panic set in. What do I do? Who do I call? How? Why? So many things ran through my mind at that time. In a moments notice, the only thing I could think to do was run around to the backyard and kick in the window. I still have the scars on my right ankle. I look at them often to remind me that I am stronger than this life. Today, is a hard day for some. Just this day, one year ago, Robin Williams took his life. It was a shock. The world could have heard a pin drop with the silence that filled when everyone found out the news. The idea that someone so funny, so loving, so amazing could take his life was unfathomable. That's how I felt. My father was the type of man who everyone loved. He was a natural comedian, in his own Cajun ways. He was a character.
He struggled with alcohol and drug abuse most of his life. Was he a good man throughout his whole life? To be honest, I don't know, but I can tell you he was an amazing and inspiring man. He became a single father at just 20 years old. He put himself through school and managed to raise me while also working three jobs. He had a goal and he made it happen. He was one of the few engineers who worked on some of the largest oil rigs out in the Gulf of Mexico. My father was incredible, to say the absolute least. For those who knew him, knew what a shock it was when he took his life, just as the world was shocked when Robin took his.
Everyone fights demons of their own. Regardless of your battle, we must all remember that we are all living this life together. No life is greater than another. It doesn't matter if you are poor or rich, black, white, or gray, we must all be reminded that life is not and should not be our enemy.
I wish I could go back. Well for a few reasons. One, I would love to hug my dad one last time, but two, I would love to tell him all the things I never said. I should have told him how amazing he was. I should have reminded him of all the blessings in his life. I should have showed him God. We could have walked in God's light as a family. There are so many things I should've or could've done, but the bottom line is, I will never get that chance. You have that chance. If you know someone that is struggling, help them. Remind your friends and family how important they are. If you are someone searching for a way out of this life, seek God. He will help you get through the darkest nights and lead you into the brightest days.
Not everyday will be easy. Not everyday of this life will we get to say "wow, what an awesome day." Not everyday will be the greatest, but we were only given one life. For those who are thinking about suicide, remember you are loved. Not just by your friends and family, but by Him, the Almighty God! He created you. He knows you. He knows your pain and your suffering and He wants you to come to Him. Seek Him in everything you do.
No matter where you are in your life, there will always be moments of weakness and heartbreak, but please never let this get you down. Please be honest with yourself, God, and then your friends and family. Be honest and know that this life will not always be easy. Maybe you were bullied or maybe you feel like things will never get better. I can tell you, they will!
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please encourage them to find help but also remind them they are loved and cared for in every single way possible. Please encourage them to seek the Lord and if they cannot find Him, for whatever reason, please be sure to encourage them to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1(800) 273-8255.
God bless and always remember to seek God in all that you do!
