It irks me to write this, but I needed to update on my current TTC situation. Well, round 4, the "final round", as we are so lovingly referring to it, was a total bust! Disappointed. Frustrated. Hurt. Puzzled. Confused. Nervous. I could list about fifteen more words to describe how we feel, but I think you get the point. I hate being negative, no, I loathe it! Negativity is such a waste of time and emotion, but sometimes, in life, you just have to face the facts and realize that not every day is going to be happy and wonderful. Sometimes bad news will happen. Your bad news may not be the same as my bad news and I'm sure some will probably say that my bad news, isn't that bad. I guess in the big scheme of things, it's really not. I have a wonderful husband. I have two beautiful and totally amazing fur-babies. I have a nice car. I have a wonderful apartment. Life is good. Infertility, on the other hand, sucks! If I've said it once, I've said it a million times...it sucks!!!
The fact of the matter is, this is the second full year of Clomid and my doctor basically told me "enough is enough!" My options are limited. Clomid, unassisted, aka with my OBGYN, is not an option anymore. He is now referring me out to a fertility specialist. Oh boy! What joy! More money down the drain for something that has a fifty percent chance of working. Though, I'm not sure where this journey will take us, I never ever expected us to have to go to a fertility specialist. I could have sworn we would have gotten pregnant with a healthy baby no problem on Clomid. I will admit, though it really does sound like I'm being a Debbie-downer, and I guess in some ways, I am, but I really am happy, or at least a small percentage of me is happy, that I will finally have a fertility specialist who will monitor everything! I guess, my only complaint, is the cost factor. I mean...can we just take a second to recognize that fertility treatment is not affordable at all. There's the constant doctors visits, the ultrasounds, blood draws, medications, the procedure it's self. It's all expensive and we have to pay out of pocket for fertility expenses.
Alright, now that my rant is over, I can tell you what our plans are. Currently, we are trying to get an appointment with a fertility clinic. They are so impossible to reach with Texas being so big, the Drs. are always swamped. Luckily, the clinic of my choosing, is literally a block away from my house. Convenient! So, as for now, I will visit with my fertility specialist in November. Treatment will likely start after the holidays because, let's face it, no one wants to deal with fertility treatment during the happy holiday season. And, with the gifts we will be buying for family members, we will need the extra time to gather up all the money.
This post is much longer than I expected it to be, and I am realizing that majority of it is going to sound like I am just miserable, but truth is, I'm really not. I'm blessed. Sure, this is a struggle. Every TTC sister knows that infertility is nothing but hills and valleys and sometimes you'll have your high moments, but there will also be lots of lows moments too. At the end of the day, I am reminded that I am blessed. I am reminded that God has made a promise and I know that He is a gracious and caring God who will answer our prayers. I'm looking forward to moving to a whole new doctor. I'm looking forward to being monitored, maybe we will finally get some answers, but even if we don't at least we will have someone who will guide us each step and reassure us. So, here's to another round, another day. In the words of Michael Buble (who wasn't the original singer but his is my favorite version), "it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, for me, and I'm feeling good!"
