For example, before this cycle, I told E that if we did not get pregnant, I wanted to go back to school and I wanted us to travel more. The thought of going back to school weighed heavily on my heart as it is something that I have been very seriously thinking about. I knew that if I wanted to give my child the things he or she needs, I would need to start making choices now! Start planning now and get my degree.
E mentioned before the miscarriage this time, that he believed God created miscarriage to provide insight and opportunities. Does that mean we wanted a miscarriage to happen? NO! Does that mean we planned on having two miscarriages? NO! But what E meant is that every time we had a miscarriage (door closing), something better that we had been dreaming of happened (door opened).
Back in 2013, when we suffered our first miscarriage, we were devastated, just as any couple would be. We wanted that baby so badly but we had always talked about traveling, since we can't even being to tell you how many countless amounts of people told us "no, wait to have children, go see the world. go do things as husband and wife first." I will be the first to admit that E and I had no desire to listen to anything they said. But as 2014 rolled in and doors started opening, we were so fascinated that we decided to step into those doors and make way for God to run our lives. To our surprise, that trust led us to Cozumel and Progresso Mexico on a 5 day cruise (travel), a 5 day trip to Las Vegas, Nevada (doing things as husband and wife like gambling), and we even set out on a trip to visit my family in Florida for Thanksgiving. So needless to say, things in 2014 were good but don't think that having children didn't weigh on our minds then. The difference was that we were enjoying ourselves and we believed wholeheartedly that God knew we needed this time together.
This year, God is providing us again with the opportunity to follow our hearts and do things we know to be best before we have children.
With that being said, I have decided to go back to school. To pursue my education and earn my degree in Teaching. I have always wanted to be a teacher and now I can follow my heart. I start classes May of 2015 and I am eagerly looking forward to transferring to the University I was supposed to attend in 2010 (more on that later). We also already plans in motion to travel again this year. Right now we are looking at New York City, Universal Orlando/Disney World, and even another cruise. For now, I am patiently waiting for classes to being and feel very enthusiastic about earning my degree. Even more exciting is the fact that my brand new laptop for school is only days away from arriving!
This post is to inspire those who are struggling with infertility. It may be so easy to give up on God and loose faith in Him while you are struggling but look deeper. He more than likely already has greater plans for you. He knows what is best in your life and will give you just what you need when you need it. It may be hard to stomach the idea of "moving on" from your TTC journey (trust me it was hard for us to imagine after 3 years just stopping and pursuing other things in life) but maybe, just maybe if you let go and let God, you will find more doors have opened and the doors will lead you to the things you deeply desire. Although, I will continue to pray for each of my TTC sisters, I pray that you find happiness in everyday things, that God blesses you with an angel of your own, and that you let Him in and let Him unfold the life-map He had planned before you were born.
God Bless and Well Wishes
